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CHAPTER LVII.
TREATING OF HOW THE RULER WAS CARRIED OFF INTO CAPTIVITY ON A MULE,
ACCOMPANIED BY DIVERS PRIESTS.
WHEN night was come, and disorder reigned throughout the camp of the
allies; when both generals and men were making night jubilant with
their carousing, a cry broke forth in Nezub that the town was
surprised by the enemy. A scene of the wildest confusion now ensued;
midnight was made terrible by the howling of dogs, the beating of
drums, the tramp of horses, and the clatter of fire-arms. Suddenly
it was discovered that the town was in flames; and such was the
terror excited in the hearts of the allied vagabonds that they took
to their heels and scampered away like sensible men.
And here I am constrained to record, without the slightest
disparagement to my ruler, that having drank three punches before he
retired to bed, he was disturbed of his slumbers by seven priests,
who came rushing into his chamber, and without so much as giving him
time to put on his breeches, dragged him forth in his shirt, and
having mounted him on a mule, hurried him out of town at full speed.
"The fates have gone against me," said General Potter, musing to
himself as he rode silently along on his mule, accompanied by the
priests, similarly mounted, but not in their shirts. "But a few
hours since, I was measuring the exact dimensions of my glory. Faith
of my father! I felt the kingdom as safe between my fingers as need
be; and here I am riding a mule for the diversion of these fellows
in black gowns; which is an unparalleled discourtesy to a ruler of
my standing." Turning to the priests, he addressed them thus: "As
you are good and holy men, may I pray that you will respect my
position as ruler of this kingdom. Nor do I think it becomes you to
trifle thus with my dignity: therefore give me one of your gowns,
for the curious figure I am cutting becomes neither of us. And as
you owe a duty to heaven, give me raiment, and tell me whither you
carry me." The priests made no answer, but whipping up their mules
continued on their journey until they reached a grove of palm-trees,
some four miles from Nezub, where they halted. And having lighted
torches, which threw a curious glow over the foliage, and invested
the scene with an air of deep solemnity, they put General Potter on
his trial, preparatory to which he was ordered to sit upon the
ground, while the most aged of the priests took a seat upon the
trunk of a tree.
First, they inquired of him what he had to say touching their
punishment in riding the asses in the plaza, which grievously
wounded their feelings. "As to the asses, gentlemen," replied Ruler
Potter, "they, I take it, are emblematic of penitence, which I am
sure your reverences ought not be ashamed of, since if my memory
serves me right, (and it is good enough to trust on such matter,) I
have read somewhere in Scripture that the apostles rode asses, and
were not ashamed."
"Aye," replied the venerable priests, "but that was so long ago, and
bears so little resemblance to our case, that it will not serve as a
precedent. Heading a band of vagrants in pursuit of plunder, you
have overrun our country, caused the death of our good king, and
made the priesthood to be scoffed at, which is a crime meriting
death. Having set yourself up for a ruler adds no small injury to
the insults you have already inflicted upon this kingdom; we
therefore condemn you to death, and are resolved to see you hanged
on one of these trees at six in the morning." The general essayed to
speak in reply to this sentence, but the priests bid him hold his
peace, and join them in preparing his soul for heaven. And forthwith
they commenced chanting prayers over him; but as their prayers were
in Latin, not one word could he understand. Instead, however, of
bemoaning his fate, as the reader may be prepared to expect, the
condemned betook himself to mourning the loss of his kingdom, and
devising means to regain it. He was also not a little puzzled to
know what road his graceless army had taken, for he knew in his
heart, they would lose no time in getting safely out of the country.
In truth he began to curse the day he took command of Glenmoregain's
army; for though he might have been a good enough gentleman himself,
and have a praiseworthy liking for kingdoms, his army was made up of
arrant rascals, who treated their commander as if he were a fool,
had no fear of the devil, and deserved hanging.
While then the priests were chanting prayers for his soul, his mind
was also occupied with these lines: "The funeral train, with the
ruler came, And passing slowly through the grove; Dropped tears of
sorrow As honored they lay him in his lonely grave." Then the
priests became oppressed for want of sleep; and in short were so
overcome with the fatigue of their ride that, having tied their
mules to trees, they stripped off their gowns, and, convinced in
their own minds that the prisoner would not attempt to escape in his
shirt, (or if he did, that his want of raiment was proof against any
one taking him in), they stretched themselves down upon the ground,
and were soon fast asleep.
Now, notwithstanding General Potter still fancied himself ruler over
Kalorama, he felt that his head was quite as well on his own
shoulders, for there was his wife Polly, and three children, who,
for aught he knew to the contrary might stand much in need of a
portion of his spoils, which as yet had been small indeed. He
therefore got quietly up, and habiting himself in the hat and gown
of a priest, mounted the fleetest mule of the lot, and reaching the
high-road, in breathless anxiety, set out at full speed toward
Jolliffee, confident that he would overtake or get some tidings of
his straying army on the road. When he had got some three miles over
the road, he turned in his saddle, listened with great caution, and
said: "To the devil with you, Mister Priests, for General Potter
owes you no thanks, and can take care of himself. See what it is to
leave until morning a job you should have done at night!"
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Babbitt by Sinclair Lewis
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